Anchor.

How do we get there? To the place of break down, cave in, and give up?

I read somewhere recently that lack of faith doesn’t happen all of a sudden — it happens gradually.

Slowly.

Little by little.

Like a ship that becomes untethered to its anchor and then just starts bouncing about between the blows of the wind. It isn’t grounded anymore, and it has no choice but to go from one gust to the next.

That’s what happens to us, too.

Little by little, circumstance by circumstance, we lose our footing. And our faith drifts off and we can’t help but wonder if we ever had any at all.

Back in January, when we booked this vacation, if you had told me that our world would see what we’ve seen this year, I wouldn’t have believed you.

On most days, I’ve been grounded and hopeful and faith-filled, standing firm on the promise of God that although we have trouble, there can be (and there is!) peace.

But on some days, I felt like a ship, floating along without direction. No sign of a lighthouse on shore in sight, and hopeless.

It’s in those moments, I think, that God is giving us our footing, we just don’t believe that it’s there. What we see causes us to forget what we know. And those light houses we go looking for, well, they are covered by clouds and fog and we don’t see them at all.

Being out on this beach this to watch the sun rise is kind of like resetting my perspective. Wiping the dirty lens I’ve looked through on so many days lately that kept me from seeing what was really there.

And what do you do when you get to this place of reset and awe and wonder?

Well, you play How Great Thou Art, look at the ocean, and let the tingle of peace wash over you.

Experience the things.

This summer while in Barbados, Reid and I were inspired when we heard someone say they gave their kids an experience for their birthday, rather than buying them a gift to unwrap. With Sadler’s 7th birthday right around the corner, I put a plan in motion. Continue reading

Why I Said Goodbye to Facebook

I remember creating my Facebook account. It was 2005 and I was in my last semester of college at NCSU. (I totally remember feeling like I was cheating on my My Space page when I joined. Didn’t we all?)

When it first came out, Facebook wouldn’t even let you create an account unless you had a college email address. It was different. Somewhat exclusive. And everyone was doing it.

Jumping on the wagon back then in my life never seemed like a hard thing to do. So this was just one more thing to jump into.

It’s crazy to think that was 14 years ago. Continue reading

It’s By Design

A few weeks ago, I woke up from a dead sleep and my right arm was extended into the air, toward the ceiling of our bedroom. It was as if I was worshiping in my sleep, and I heard God say very clearly to me, “It’s by design.”

All through the winter, I struggled to wake up at 5AM for my morning quiet time. My alarm would go off, but I’d choose to hit the snooze button once or twice before finally getting out of bed. Once I got settled into “my spot”, I always regretted the decision to sleep a little longer. Continue reading

Real Talk.

Parenting is hard. Such a short sentence packed with so much truth and vulnerability…

Before I begin, let me say that I am beyond grateful for both of my children. As a woman who was told “children won’t be likely”, I can assure you that not a day goes by that I don’t thank God for them. I often look into their eyes and feel awe and a sense of wonder and feel just downright lucky that they are mine to care for. I often get a lump in my throat when I think about how far we’ve come. Continue reading

The Spirit of Sedona

I’ve been drawn to the idea of taking a solo vacation for about a year now. I don’t recall when I first felt it exactly, but I saw it in my mind many times. Beautiful scenery, rest, relaxation, reading, writing, outdoor exploration, disconnecting from the busyness of life. I didn’t have a strong pull toward any specific place, I just felt the urge to take a trip by myself. Continue reading

Happy Secret Anniversary, Babe

Eight years ago today, Reid and I got married at the Guilford County Courthouse. We invited my great-grandparents, our grandparents and parents as witnesses.

A wedding date was set for 3/11/11 in Riviera Maya, Mexico. (Anyone who knows my husband can deduce that choosing to be married on 3/11/11 was quite intentional. 311 is his favorite band and I figured he’d never forget our anniversary with a date like that. True story.) Continue reading

Peace, be still.

Ever wondered what it’d be like to sit on a beach alone at 5:30 in the morning? It’s so dark that the white crests of the waves are the only way to tell where the sand stops and just becomes water. Every few seconds, the Bald Head Island lighthouse flickers white. The Big Dipper and Small Dipper, both above me in the big, dark sky – they are getting fainter now as the lavender light of the morning sun creeps in over the horizon. The tide is low and rough, and I can hear the swell and crash of every wave. The breeze is perfect and the air smells warm and salty. I wonder if there is anyone else out here. Continue reading