Today was hard. This week has been hard. This month has been hard.
Life has seemed hard.
I will be the first to admit, unabashedly so, that being a stay-at-home mom is HARD.
It is everything more than I ever imagined it could be, and nothing like I imagined it would be.
I’m waking up earlier today than I ever have before — intentionally. And it feels like Christmas morning, every day. I cherish my time, my space, my quiet, my stillness. I need that time.
I’ve been going to Revolution Hot Yoga since the last day of my maternity leave with Everly. I’ve never stayed so consistently loyal to a place like this, and have felt comfortable in my own skin inside those walls since my very first visit.
Anytime life gets really hard, I want to practice hot yoga. I crave it.
I’ve become addicted to the heat and the sweat and the release. It’s an hour of space amidst the chaos of life where I truly let go, something I don’t do in real life much at all it seems.
My body has become supple. It has become strong. I feel beautiful.
Tonight’s class was the best, most intimate and sacred class I have ever had. Hands down, in all of the yoga practice I’ve had in all of my years, tonight was bigger.
Rebecca felt us. Not just me, she felt us.
She felt all the junk we were carrying, and the loads we beared, as we all walked through the doors with smiles on our faces and all pretended to be okay.
She brought an awareness to the room of all the color, and talked us through releasing energy and letting go. She talked real talk, but in the most beautifully woven song of words that forced us not to force, but to really let go.
For the first time ever in my practice, sweat came out of my eyeballs. It felt peaceful, and literally washed away some of the weight I brought in with me.
“Find your tribe, lightly. Follow your heart, lightly. Let your voice be heard, lightly.”
Eyes closed. Music soft. The room was still as she guided us.
Deep breaths in…deep breaths out.
Yoga is breathing.
Breathing is life.
Yoga is life.
I’m so thankful that yoga has led me to meditation. (I read somewhere recently that meditation may truly be more effective than medication. I wouldn’t be surprised in the least.)
I truly believe, that our mind and body and spirit, they are all ONE. They are all connected, and they are affected by each other, and they move through one other.
We impose limitations on ourselves in life based on our past experiences, fears, self-doubt and judgments of others. These limitations keep us from being our best. They keep us in boxes, under the bed. They dim our lights, and feed our ego.
Yoga is my way of releasing those limitations, even if for just sixty minutes; but for those sixty minutes, I feel myself being gentle with myself. And I trust my body. And I don’t care what anyone thinks about how I look in my pose or how deep my stretch is.
I go inward.
As the within, so the without, right? What lies inside is what lives outside. The answers aren’t out in the material world; for the best teacher we have is our self. Look in the mirror, you’ll see.
I’m no master, but self-discovery is tasty. Life’s color is brighter when you take a little time to be still. I know I have so many more layers to peel.
I turn 36 in January and have decided that I want to go on a yoga retreat for my birthday. A long weekend of peace, tranquility, stillness and lots of yoga is just what I want most as I enter a new year of life.
I am open to suggestions of places to visit, do you have a favorite?